kesangapan yang memenatkan.

sekarang ni kebanyakan pelajar medic kat rusia dah mula bercuti. ada yang dah selamat sampai di tanah air tercinta lagi.. (huhu..i wanna go home toooooooooo T_T). bila cuti, perkara pertama yang hampir semua orang terfikir nak buat adalah cover tido dan wat movie marathon.. and sadly to say, i'm one of them. ada jugaklah perancangan lain yang lebih berfaedah tapi masih x dpt nak dibuat memandangkan setiap hari pun keluar.. hari ni hari pertama lepas betul2 bercuti yang saya bangun pagi dan x ada rancangan nak keluar ke mana2. ada lah lebih kurang 6 jam saya jadi sangap kat bilik.. dah mula rasa 'penat' dah.. badan pun rs x best sbb kerja lepak ajer.. maybe i'm the one that addicted to adrenalin rush agaknya.. always on the go. bila tetiba life cam ada pause sekejap.. dah rasa bengong sbb tak sure nak buat apa.. hehe. (mind you, i do have some works to do, just cant put myself in doing it yet.. must be the holiday's fever.. hehe).

and so, rite now, i have around 5 books to be read and finish by this winter holiday before i'm off to UK.. buku yang saya tengah baca sekarang ni mmg psycho and sadis abes.. jack the ripper - case closed. before this, sy x berapa suka baca crime novel, rasa loya dengan cara2 pembunuhan dia tu, tapi untuk yang ni, saya ok plak. mungkin sebab buku ni mengisahkan kisah benar yang terjadi pada zaman 1880-an : the-most-original-genius-psychopath-serial-killer. kemudiannya saya terfikir, memang lah bagus menghabiskan buku2 novel yang ada tu, apalah salahnya kalau masa terluang yang ada banyak tuh digunakan untuk habiskan baca al-quran juga.. (hehe.. kantoi dah saya.. before this asyik buang masa ajer). sepatutnya waktu cuti camnilah nak khatam quran sambil betul2 pelajari maksud ayat2nya. tak yah laju2.. lagi bagus slow2.. asalkan paham. tak caya? tengok surah Al-Qiyamah [75:16] - janganlah engkau(Muhammad) gerakkan lidahmu (untuk membaca al-quran) kerana hendak cepat2 menguasainya.

and so, happy holiday kawan2!!! gunakan masa dengan sebaik2nya. [demi masa. sesungguhnya, manusia berada dalam kerugian. kecuali org2 yang beriman dan mengerjakan kebajikan serta saling menasihati untuk kebenaran dan saling menasihat untuk kebenaran].
penat sebenarnya jadi sangap nih.. T_T

The forbidden love. From a muslim view.

There’s so many meaning that you can interpret from this two words : FORBIDDEN LOVE. It can be man/woman fall in love with somebody else wife/husband ; it can be guy with guy ( that’s mean they’re gay ) and girl with girl ( that’s mean they’re lesbian ) ; or worst – interspecies love, the ‘most unconditional love of all’ between human and animal. Yup. You read it right. There are a few reported cases of human trying to marry a dog or a horse. And yes, they die trying. Who else wouldn’t be??

In this entry, I’m gonna focus on same-gender love. Some people do acknowledge that our sexuality can sometimes be more fluid than we thought. It other words, it can fluctuate and change over time rather than be unchangeable and constant’s for one’s entire life. Unfortunately I have to say, it is possible for some people.

What makes them gay or les?

1. are they confused with their own sexual feelings?
2. always want the other (for gay its men and for les its women..i’ll just gonna write men/women after this.. too troublesome to write separately..) to notice them?
3. don’t like the same kind of stuff that the others like?
4. have this desire to look at the other’s bodies and admiring them in private or in public..? (whichever suited them best)
5. have some feelings of attraction to their own kind?
6. guy only attracted to guy and girl with girl
7. other people calling them faq/queer/gay (for guy) ; les/tomboy/pengkid for girl
8. had this experience – sexual abuse with the older guy/women ; same-gender sexual experience ; got turn on by men /women’s bodies
9. or they have painful rejection by girl/men they like?
10. or they just like being ‘unique’?

Ok lah, lets face it. Puberty can be a bit confusing sometime. Our body is changing and yes..of course dear.. the hormone inside our body is changing too. Things will get clearer as you get older. BUT.. what if you are already old enough?? Cant help ‘falling’ I guess.

I realize that everyone deserve to be treat with respect. My friend once said, this kind of people (gay or les), they don’t usually go around harassing others, its we that harassing them.. in my point of view >>> its no good making fun of them. We actually should have deeper connection with them, find out what really making them turning to the ‘road not usually taken’ and understand whether they really want to be on that side or they actually need US – THE FRIENDS to stay on the right path..

(don’t freak out with what I’m gonna say after this) :

it would be best to help them if they still not experiencing it sexually since ‘that kind of experiment’ will only makes it harder for them to change back to normal ; because it will build a connection (can be a very addictive and strong ones) in their mind between (sexual) pleasure and being with someone of the same gender. So that will bring us back to THE POWER OF MIND!! Your body does whatever your mind tells you to. And your mind correlates with your heart. And your heart relates with how well your faith and dependence to God is.

T_T it saddening actually watching your own friend turning to be gay or les. It’s against the nature and fitrah of a human being. There’s a purpose for God creating man and women differently. It’s for them to get to know each other. In a good way. Through marriage or healthy friendship.

Kepada mereka yang masih merasakan ada sekelumit rasa takut kepada-Nya tu, masih belum terlambat untuk kembali ke pangkal jalan. Mungkin susah berusaha seorang diri, carilah mereka yang sanggup membantu. You need to help yourself first. Kita tak tahu bila masanya nyawa kita ini ditarik kembali. Kematian itu tak boleh ditunda dan tak boleh dipercepatkan. Dan kita tak boleh lari daripadanya. [refer al-munafiqun surah 63 ayat 11]. Banyak lagi ayat lain dalam al-quran yang bercerita tentang kematian. Di sinilah gunanya kita belajar memahami ayat2 suci al-quran. Bukan setakat baca dan melagukan sahaja. Kena faham dengan hati dan berfikir dengan akal. Kena berguru juga. (takut ajaran sesat pulak).

Kisah tentang gay sendiri banyak tertulis dalam al-quran. Saya ambil contohnya lah k?

• Dalam surah al-a’raf [7: 80-81] – dan Lut, ketika dia berkata kepada kaumnya , “mengapa kamu melakukan perbuatan keji, yang belum pernah dilakukan oleh seorang pun sebelum kamu (di dunia ini). Sungguh, kamu telah melampiaskan syahwatmu kepada sesama lelaki bukan kepada perempuan. Kamu benar-benar kaum yang melampaui batas.
• Surah asy- syu’ara [26: 165-166] – mengapa kamu mendatangi jenis laki-laki di antara manusia (berbuat homoseks), dan kamu tinggalkan yang diciptakan Tuhan untuk menjadi isteri-isteri kamu? Kamu orang-orang yang melampaui batas.
• Surah al-ma’arij [70: 29-31] – dan orang yang memelihara kemaluannya, kecuali terhadap isteri-isteri mereka atau hamba sahaya yang mereka miliki maka sesungguhnya mereka tidak tercela. Maka barang siapa yang mencari di luar itu ( seperti zina, homoseks dan lesbian ) mereka itulah orang-orang yang melampaui batas.
• Ayat peringatan – surah az-zukhruf [43: 36] – dan barang siapa yang berpaling dari pengajaran Allah Yang Maha Pengasih (Al-Quran), Kami biarkan setan (manyesatkannya) dan menjadi teman karibnya. Nauzubillah. Jangan berkawan baik dengan setan k? tak ada kebaikan langsung!!

Allah itu Maha Pengampun. Maha Pengasih dan Pemurah terhadap hamba-hambaNya. Jangan putus harapan terhadapNya. Selagi ruang waktu kita masih ada di muka bumi ini, insyaAllah pintu taubat masih terbuka. Kenalah doa banyak-banyak dan buat taubat nasuha. Perlahan-lahan tingkatkan diri ke arah yang lebih baik.. insyaAllah. Sama-sama tolong kawan k?

merajuk??

i actually want to write this in english.. but somehow i cant recall the word merajuk in english or russian for that matter.. haha. cant help it!! ^_^

this is actually a special tribute made for my friend 'yi jie' who end up mad to me today. and for the record, i do think the reason is quite dumb actually. and for that: YI JIE - I"M SORRY! i try to make it up later ok? although i do feel that she will feel better tomorrow. as i always said to her, my life sure gonna be boring without her around here in Moscow (i'm a very naughty girl when it comes to me and her).. and so, pleaaaaaaassssssssseeeeeeeeee...........

just let us be happy k? (although actually i think i'm the happier one here.. hehe)

jangan marah-marah lagi ok?

It’s not language barrier but its skills that matters.

Becoming medical students, some of my friends usually end up asking me not to forget them, always saying that I was way better than them, I’m so lucky and all that (because, back in Malaysia, somehow people still regards medic students as the ‘clever’ one. To some extent, it makes me a bit fed up. Obviously, all of them didn’t know me better. To all that matters, I usually said back to them, doesn’t matter what subject you are in, it bears some significance in life. All those subjects are there for reasons and it certainly not as dump as you may think it is. If you trace the sources of one’s knowledge and capability, I’m sure you will find that at the root of it, it will always be someone or something that has been a good teacher to them. If everyone starts rooting for so called professional job, who will feed us our food? (In this sense, the farmer, since we-the-Malaysian obviously eat rice as our main food on the table).

I’m in my last cycle for this winter’s semester like everyone else studying here in Moscow. This cycle covers Gynecology, Reanimation and Surgery. It’s my surgery’s teacher that finally makes me realize it’s not language barrier that’s plague us the most here, it’s the teaching skills that matters (he’s teaching in Russian language. He can speak English of course but slower version compared to the mother tongue). There are a few of my teacher-doctor here that I really look up too, because in my eyes, they are so dedicated to their work as a doctor and at the same time, they really took the efforts to makes you understand what’s behind all the thing-disease-lifestyle that you learn here.

And at the top of the list is my 5^th year surgery teacher Бохарев (pronounce as bokharev). If you let me talk about him, I can go on for hours. He teaches us the concept behind all the disease that we learn (we can even formulate a diagnosis and the basic investigation even without really knowing what the disease is.. it really is a miracle since medic is all about reading and memorizing most of the time), he write his own questions from a diverse cases spontaneously (to force and makes us think like a surgeon) and ask us in class every single time he got chances (he’s a really busy surgeon. All the 3 phones in our small room keep on ringing every time but he doesn’t bother to take it at all since his attention at that time are exclusively OURS.. well, maybe a small portion of it is given to his 3 MO who keep on coming time from time and some of his suddenly critical patients of course). And the best part is the question is strictly personal for you only. No helps from anyone at all. And he don’t get mad at you if you answered wrongly. He got mad when we arrive at class at 8:58 when the class should started at 9am because he usually gives us one patient per person to check for at 8:55am.. you will starts thinking that he got mad because you disrupt his already hectic timetable when all that he thinks off is that you just loose the chance to get more patient for yourself. It’s the practice that makes you perfect. (he did said that to us at that time). Sometimes, he even tell us his experience as a fresh doctor.. so full with question, make mistakes but he said he’s lucky because his senior doctor teach him and help him step by step all the way.

We even got the chance to join the grand ward round here with the HOD (head of department)!! How cool was that? Even when the 2^nd surgeon on line after the HOD scolds him for talking with us (he’s explaining and teaching to us during the round), he doesn’t care! (For Russians, IT IS A BIG DEAL TO RESPECT THE LEADERS. They treat the HOD-kind of persons like some really honored man..) so when he still talking to us, it MEAN A LOT to us. He even help saving some of the newbie’s doctor when they got scolded by the 2^nd in line guy.. he’s so totally different from the HOD. Not only the HOD looks like Michael Douglas-Russian’s version, he’s so nice, smiling and talking nicely. The HOD really makes the place calm and peaceful. (where actually some of the patient are rather severe in Reanimation floor and surgical ward is one of the most-I’m-so-dead [for newbie’s doctor and patient] kind of atmosphere even back in Malaysia).

Saturday class is the best. We usually walks around the hospital (mind you. It really is a big hospital. They even have a place for helicopter to land for in front of the building we studied in – корпус 5). Having the first seat to see all this kind of medical cases is so damn awesome. There was this one time, while we were walking behind our teacher, me and my friend felt like we were the doctors in House Md series.. (^_^ hehe, just some wishful thinking). He still teaches like normal even if he comes straight from on-call..with that tired look on his face and big black eye bag, you really cant help but studying a lot more since that’s all you can do to repay the deeds of a-dedicated-senior-surgeon-teacher.

I’m not saying all this because I like him or worshipping him or anything, it’s the kind of attitude that I like so much. Here in Russia, you can have a very-not-teaching-and-lousy-doctor as a teacher and they sometimes don’t even care if you come to class or not.. and its so scary to have that kind of teacher. It really is a blessing to have a good doctor and a good teacher at the same time. And so, since I’m actually considering myself as a specialist/lecturer in maybe some 10 or more years (insyaAllah), I’m gonna take a bit from all my-favorites-teachers-style and adapt it as my own..

What’s good in having an awesome experience and great knowledge if you don’t pass it on??

>>>> here I put one of my inspiring short stories collection : A SPECIAL TEACHER.

Years ago a John Hopkin’s professor gave a group of graduate students this assignment: Go to the slums. Take 200 boys, between the ages of 12 and 16, and investigate their background and environment. Then predict their chances for the future.

The students, after consulting social statistics, talking to the boys, and compiling much data, concluded that 90 percent of the boys would spend some time in jail.

Twenty-five years later another group of graduate students was given the job of testing the prediction. They went back to the same area. Some of the boys - by then men - were still there, a few had died, some had moved away, but they got in touch with 180 of the original 200. They found that only four of the group had ever been sent to jail.

Why was it that these men, who had lived in a breeding place of crime, had such a surprisingly good record? The researchers were continually told: “Well, there was a teacher…”

They pressed further, and found that in 75 percent of the cases it was the same woman. The researchers went to this teacher, now living in a home for retired teachers. How had she exerted this remarkable influence over that group of children? Could she give them any reason why these boys should have remembered her?

“No,” she said, “no I really couldn’t.” And then, thinking back over the years, she said amusingly, more to herself than to her questioners: “I loved those boys….”

>>>> surah al-qasas [28:77]

‘dan carilah negeri akhirat dengan apa yang telah dianugerahkan kepadamu, tetapi janganlah kamu lupakan bahagianmu di dunia dan berbuat baiklah (kepada orang lain) sebagaimana Allah telah berbuat baik kepadamu, dan janganlah kamu berbuat kerosakan di bumi. Sungguh, Allah tidak menyukai orang yang berbuat kerosakan’

quotes to think of...

• The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

• When the door of happiness closes, another opens but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

• It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

• Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
  

kenapa kita tak boleh ikut mcm lalang?

semua sedia maklum resmi lalang. akarnya tumbuh melata di bumi, tidak kuat menyokong, kuisan kaki yang sedikit sahaja dah mampu menyebabkan ia tidak lagi berpasak di bumi. sudahlah begitu, meliuk-lentuk mengikut arah angin, tiada arah tujuan. biarpun ia mapu tumbuh sendiri tanpa dibaja dan dijaga, sifat ini tidak elok sebenarnya jika dijadikan perumpamaan untuk kehidupan manusia. jauh bezanya antara 2 manusia yang satu hidupnya diberi perhatian dan dibelai dengan penuh kasih sayang sementara yang seorang lagi dibiarkan hidup sendiri tanpa tunjuk ajar apatah lagi sekelumit kasih. yang disayangi (insyaAllah) melahirkan manusia yang cemerlang sementara yang terbiar akhirnya menjadi manusia yang 'kacau pemikirannya'.

dalam hadis Nabi Muhammad yang diriwayatkan oleh Tirmizi :

jangan seorang pun antara kamu menjadi orang yang tidak berpendirian, beliau berkata : "aku bersama orang ramai, jika mereka berbuat baik aku berbuat baik, sekiranya berbuat jahat aku juga berbuat jahat" tetapi kamu mestilah menetapkan pendirian kamu, apabila orang berbuat baik hendaklah kamu berbuat baik, sekiranya mereka berbuat jahat hendaklah kamu menjauhkan diri daripada berbuat jahat terhadap mereka.

jadi, jangan jadi seperti lalang!!!

full throttle!!

finally.. my spirit is being renewed!! so glad i finally can put off all the things that bothering me for the past few days. nearly forgotten how passionate and happy i am in updating my blog.. never let yourself sank deeper when you actually know you can do something about it.

so, by renewing my blog's layout (I'm kinda bored with the orange thing).. its represent my rekindle heart and soul by putting my heart once again into the things i love - writing =D.

i hope all the new day that yet to come bring all the joy and bless in life.
and i too need to remember once again :
LIFE IS A JOURNEY.

...........

baru sekejap tadi menjenguk blog kwn2 yg lain.. tak tahu kenapa rasa sedih plak tiba2 bila baca tajuk istiqamah yg sarah tulis.. (mula kisahnya dr cikgu jawe).. entahlah..sebelum nih pun sy pernah juga terfikir ttg hal2 nih. masa mula2 wat blog, sy berharap dpt memuhasabahkan diri sy (sebab sy rs thp iman sy nih jauh sgt turun naiknya.. begitu struggle utk stay put on the positive level apatah lg nak meningkat naik.. i'm trying and still learning.. n changing bit by bit).. sy ni jenis berpakaian mcm biasa sj.. jeans + t shirt. always the sporty type. tak begitu gemar pakai baju kurung.. sebab sy rs bila sy pakai baju kurung, rs seperti hipokrit sekejap.. kena lebih lemah lembut.. (kawan2 sy kate cara sy jln nmpk otai.. pakai bj kurung pun kdg2 nmpk otai lagi.. tah aper lah yg otainyer tak tahulah.. ), tak pakai barang kemas apatah lagi mekap.. baru2 nih, sempena bezday sy, senior2 perempuan (budak2 'balai' yg sgt sy sayangi.. rs x lengkap hidup kalau x g lepak kat blk dorg.. hehe =P) hadiahkan sy set mekap junior.. kata dorg sy kenalah blaja.. kalau tak selesa sgt at least sket2 jer.. lengkap satu set.. cuma bedak muka jer xder.. OMG, i'm so hopeless in this stuff.. baru2 nih, sembang ngn kgkwn psl rantai swarovski.. sy cerita lah kata sy tak reti pantai rantai.. rs tercekik bl tido.. hehe. kata kwn sy, psikologi ajer tuh.. maybe.. (sy nih sgt ketomboian ker??? ) sy rs sy ok ajer..

ape2 skalipun.. sy slalu pk, biarlah perubahan sy tuh (ke arah berpakaian lebih sopan dan keperempuanan the muslim-style) perlahan2 tp betul2 melekat di hati.. biar perubahan sy luar dan dlm umpama bara api.. biar semalap mana pun baranya, bara itu kekal ada, cuma sedikit percikan api dh cukup utk buat ia menyala kembali.. tak mahu jadi macam api bon fire.. kemain gah lagi.. tapi akhirnya padam dan tidak dihiraukan lagi.. tak kena gaya, org simbah air plak.. terus x dpt menyala lagi.. kena plak wat api lain..

ps... nak kena g ubah angin lah rsnyer.. kena g tido sportiv nih.. kengkwn, nak dtg tido leh??

kisah yang mengingatkan kepada kasih ibu.. T_T

sy tgh tgk satu cerita korea nih : (setakat nih baru setengah jalan) kisah ttg seorang perempuan bekerjaya umur 30thn yg bercinta dgn seorg lelaki yg umurnya 8 thn lebih muda. sebab lelaki tuh syg sgt kat perempuan nih so dia sebagai lelaki yg bertanggungjawab ajak lah perempuan nih berkahwin.. org sekeliling mereka mmg ramai yg oppose perkahwinan tu.. ye lah, lelaki tuh mmg nmpk cam naive pun, even kluar date pun perempuan tu yg bayarkan tambang balik.( llk tu masih belajar dan tak serve army lagi..) ada satu scene tuh yg mn mak kepada perempuan nih marah sgt2 kat dia sampai kata nak putuskan hubungan mak ngn anak.. segala apa yg si mak nih cakap kalau difikirkan oleh si anak dgn waras, mmg lah tersangat betulnya.. si mak ni cakap lah kat anaknya, (sy tukar ker bahasa yg leh dipahami ok..).. 'i wish for the best for you.like you have hopes for yourself, i have higher hopes for my daughter too'..

part dorg gaduh tuh mmg super sedih lah. si perempuan nih cuba btau mak dia (mak dia lock diri dlm bilik); betapa dia sgt sygkan lelaki-22-thn tuh..betapa dia sedar yg dia mungkin akan lebih menderita di masa akan datang kalau dia kahwin dgn llk tuh.. tapi si anak nih ckp kat mak dia, mungkin llk nih adalah peluang terakhir dia utk bercinta, that it feels so good to be loved by someone like that.. etc. cuba tgk bagaimana selfishnya seseorang bila dia bercinta.. sggp membelakangi keluarga, apa jadi pun tak kisah, asalkan kononnya dapat merasai kebahagiaan bercinta pada masa itu.so typically woman.(especially yg the biological-clock-ticking very fast). masa sy tgk part nih, sy dpt rs perasaan si emak, yg tak mahu anaknya lebih 'tercedera' hatinya..

mmglah org kata no pain no gain, tp dlm hal2 begini, kita patut utamakan pandangan ibu bapa jugak.. bg sy perkahwinan yg tidak berlandaskan asas2 yg betul akhirnya akan membawa padah.. dlm konsep cerita nih, perkahwinan yg tak mendapat restu ibu bapa lah.. tp sy rs sebagai muslim, lebih baik kalau 'masjid' yg bakal dibina tu adalah demiNya dan direstui ibu bapa.. kita kena ingat, bagaimana kita mahu bakal anak2 kita layan kita ( mesti nak yang baik2 kan..?? ), begitulah sepatutnya kita layan org tua kita.. bukan perhubungan dgn Allah sj yg kita kena jaga.. hubungan sesama manusia apatah lagi ibu bapa pun penting juga..

ps: i miss my mom T_T... mak sy mungkin lah takkan ckp frank mcm dlm cerita korea tuh, but i know how deeply hurt she and my father will if i do something like that to them.. harap dijauhkan.. amin.. so, think first k. jgn asyik dahulukan hati ajer dlm semua perkara..

mencari kebahagiaan..

Pernah tak anda berfikir, apa sebenarnya yang dimaksudkan dengan KEBAHAGIAAN? Pernah tak anda BETUL2 memikirkan apa sebenarnya yang anda cari dalam hidup ini? Apa sebenarnya yang buat anda mampu untuk bangun setiap pagi, melangkah kaki ke mana jua destinasi anda dan menghadapi hari2 mendatang? Pernah tak sampai satu ketika di mana anda rasa ‘jiwa anda kosong’?.....

Ok, mari kita berfikir sekejap k. saya cuba senaraikan serba ringkas apa yang saya rasa menjadi kayu ukuran kebahagiaan sesetengah orang:

1. dari segi pelajar – dapat straight 5 dlm colloq (student Rusia), dapat anugerah Dekan (Msia), dapat 5A UPSR (pelajar sek ren), dll.
2. dunia pekerjaan – bisnes berkembang baik, dpt duit gaji + bonus on time, naik pangkat, dpt beli kereta baru….
3. lelaki – dpt kekasih yg hot, pandai masak, dan lebihkan dirinya dlm apa jua perkara tapi pd ms yg sama tak terlalu mengongkong kebebasannya, dapat lepak2 ngn kwn2 n dikatakan ‘cool’, beli computer baru jenama Mac contohnya takpun dpt pecah rekod main game CS, LOTR ker, game bola ker….
4. perempuan – dapat kekasih yang memahami jiwanya, kalau kata call pukul 3pm, pukul 2>pm dia dah call or at least on time, belai dirinya seolah2 dialah tuan puteri n the one n only….
5. ibu bapa – dpt anak2 yang baik, rajin belajar n dpt keputusan yg bagus dlm xm, tak suka melawan cakap..
6. anak2 – dapat ibu bapa yang sporting abes, bagi duit poket byk tanpa byk soal, bg kluar anytime diorg nak, lg best tuh kalau parent dorg tak oppose dorang nak couple.. or bg yg dok luar negara tuh, dpt balik rumah/berjalan2 every winter/summer holiday…
7. manusia secara amnya – cantik or hensem (paling2 kurang mcm tom cruise ker.. or at least rambut cam model2 Pantene ker.. ), kalau boleh nak body hot ( at least perut tak boroi/berlipat2… ), ada kelengkapan diri yg lengkap ( tak dpt satu rumah, satu bilik anda pun jadilah, takpun gadget2 yg up to date.. ), dpt pasangan hidup yg baik ( ikut criteria masing2 ) tapi yg penting semua org tak abes2 puji betapa bagusnya pasangan anda tuh…kalau boleh dpt pasangan tuh bila anda nakkannya.. tak lambat dan tak cepat.. (terlampau byk sgt smpt tak terlarat nk tulis semua.. hehe ^_^ nmpk sgt manusia nih tak pernah puas ngn apa yg ada.. )

adakah kita termasuk dlm golongan2 ini?? anda rasa apa akan jadi pada diri anda kalau anda tak dapat apa yang anda idam2kan tuh??

• Adakah anda akan frust menonggeng?? Kecewa gila2?? Sedih dan remuk rendam hati anda?? Dengar lagu2 blues 24-7? Being miserable in your life??
• Takpun anda terus jadi the-complete-opposite?? Jd super-perfectionist supaya anda mmg conform dpt apa yg anda nakkan?? Belajar gila2 sampai org pggl anda freak/nerd/bookworm? Desperate to find your true love??
• Ataupun anda kembali padaNya?? Merintih dan mengadu nasib dgnNya.. berdoa, minta petunjuk, harap Dia teguhkan dan tenangkan hati anda… berdoa agar Dia beri apa yg nakkan..

Sy harap kita boleh ambil iktibar daripada apa yang berlaku di sekeliling kita.. kisah seorg budak darjah 6 yg gantung diri (baru2 nih jer) sebab tak dpt keputusan UPSR macam yang dia nak.. rate suicide yg tinggi di kalangan org2 Jepun.. jgn kata kat Jepun, ms sy buat attachment kat hosp dulu pun, paling2 mesti akan jumpa 2-3 kes budak perempuan telan Panadol/Paracetamol sampai 30-50 biji sbb kecewa dlm cinta/masalah keluarga.. tgk muka cam ok jer… tak sangka betul mereka nih boleh terfikir nk buat mcm tuh.. kat Rusia nih, byk kes org terjatuh dr bangunan tinggi sbb mabuk.. apa benda yg buat mereka sampai mabuk sebegitu tak tahulah.. sedih sebenarnya melihatkan keadaan mereka2 yang seolah2 tak sayangkan nyawa dan diri sendiri nih… banyak factor yg boleh disalahkan.. tapi pada saya, yang paling penting adalah sebab TAK ADA PEGANGAN AGAMA YANG KUAT DALAM DIRI.. hanya pada Dia sahajalah yang sepatutnya betul2 jadi sumber kita bergantung harap, meminta pertolongan. Kasih manusia akan hilang, kalau tak hilang sbb jumpa ‘kekasih’ lain, hilang apabila tubuh bercerai dgn nyawa.. harta kebendaan, pangkat dan kecantikan lagilah tak kekal, hari ini mungkin milik kita, esok2 mungkin milik org lain pula.. so FIKIR2kan + RENUNGKAN + AMBIL PENGAJARAN k?

Perjuangan demi mencari keredhaan Ilahi

Masa muda dilalui hanya sekali

Pergunakannya agar kau tidak sesali..

di esok hari

Ketenangan ada di sini

Tak jumpa kerana kau tak mencari

Kebahagiaan tersirat di hati

Tak rasa kerana kau tak menghayati

Apa pun cara yang dipilih, sy harap biarlah ia cara yg betul, cara yg membina, cara yg lebih mendekatkan kita padaNya. Sy rasa selagi kita masih bernyawa (bukan dh nyawa2 ikan k.. ), masih tidak terlambat utk kita betul2 mencariNya.. Allah itu Maha Pemurah, Maha Penyayang.. Maha Pengasih dan Maha Pengampun. kalaupun kita nih hambaNya yang datang mencariNya hanya bila kita susah, Dia takkan abaikan kita.. mudah2an Dia beri kita cahaya petunjuk dan rahmatNya.. senangkan jalan2 kehidupan kita atau permudahkan urusan2 kita.. ataupun berikan kita kekuatan utk melalui detik2 sukar dlm hidup kita. (lepas tuh, jgn lah kita lupakan Dia lagi.. Allah suka amal yang berterusan.. biar sedikit tapi diamalkan dan meresap hasilnya dalam hati.. ) insyaAllah.

CELEBRATION OF LIFE.

I turn 22 yesterday. An age that somehow makes me feels ‘like old’. Old not as in more experienced in life or love, but just old in terms of feeling tired. I guess being so much time away from home and my beloved family starting to takes its toll on me. What make it worst at that day is the facts that my 2 most important friends (back in Malaysia) forget my birthday.. T_T , I’ve got class ( a very tiring one and so far away from my hostel and its on my precious Saturday) and I somehow missed my siblings especially Dos. The nice-warm-feeling just being at home, being lazy (hehe) and eat with them… (I’m seriously going to cry here..).

But then again, I’m a big girl now. Always have and always be. Well, one of my friend said I’m a strong lady..(in terms of falling down in life and getting right back on tracks). Hehe ^_^. Well, I hope he’s not mistaken. Since I’m a big girl, I’m trying to look on the bright side which is more than enough for me to be happy and just appreciate life as what it is. For starters, my father who always never good in remembering his own child’s birthday seem to remember mine!! Not on the exact day of course, but he remembers the date!! My abah.. my bestest closest friend in the whole wide world – my abah. Somehow, this years birthday is one of most enjoyable birthday.. (I’m not used to celebrate it before coming to Moscow, but then I welcome the new trend since its obviously make me all lavish with gifts.. hehe =P).. I’ve got 2 separate birthday parties.. well, not parties actually, just 1 simple gathering with lots of very delicious food (of course I’m not paying my bill here.. ^_^) and 1 girls-only with 2 very delicious home made chocolate cakes.. and another group mate-parties coming in.. =D . in the end, it really are the efforts and thoughts that count. All the phone calls, late warm wishes, unexpected smiley wishes from other friends who in some way I don’t know got to know its my birthday yesterday and all the cute wonderful thoughtful gifts that I REALLY REALLY like!!! (thank you so much you guys!!)

I hope this coming year marks the new me. NEW BAIZ IN MAKE. The kind that shining inside-out with love, life and passion. The kind that always trying to be a good muslim girl. insyaAllah.

Lastly, it actually doesn’t matter that much. A birthday should not just be a day for celebrating who-remember me the most or what kind of gift or card I got, it’s actually a day for celebrating life. 22 years I live in this world receiving blessing from Him, lots of loves from all people surrounds me and living a live that actually means something to some people. A day where it should make me remember I should appreciate my-remaining-life better because there might be no tomorrow anymore.

And by that, I want to say thanks and sorry to everyone who I meet in my lifetime till today. I glad I meet each and every one of you. Every bit of it makes me who I am right now and helps shaping me for who I’m going to be tomorrow. Hopes Allah will bless all of us in His Love. Amin.

One thought for the day : surah al-Ankabut [29:57] – setiap yang bernyawa pasti akan merasakan mati. Kemudian hanya kepada Kami kamu dikembalikan.

melihat dunia dari mata kanak-kanak..

melihat kembali gambar2 keluarga di rumah, saya berfikir sejenak, apa sebenarnya yang membuatkan dunia kanak2 nampak begitu gembira?(waktu ni sayu sekejap sebab tgk gambar adik2 riang bermain.. T_T huhu. ) apa sebenarnya yg mereka nampak dalam dunia ini.. mereka begitu ceria seolah-olah langsung tidak ada masalah dalam hidup mereka. tipulah kan kalau kata tak ada masalah.. problem tu ada cuma ia tak nampak begitu significant...problem mereka>> berebutkan makanan, cemburukan adik-beradik, mak ayah tak bagi ikut berjalan, kena marah dgn kakak abang..tak tahu buat kerja sekolah, marah sebab konon2nya portion mknn dia dh dirembat org lain.. dan macam2 lagi.. (hehe ^_^).

Kanak2 ni suka bermain dan bermanja. Kalau menangis pun untuk menarik perhatian. Suka meniru dan gemar dipuji. Senyum meleret bila dihargai dan terkinja-kinja keriangan apabila dibelikan hadiah dan barang permainan.pagi merajuk, tak sampai tgh hari dah ok semula. paling2 teruk pun sampai malam jer.cara ni bagus sebenarnya, org kata JANGAN SIMPAN DALAM HATI. BUANG YANG KERUH DAN AMBIL YANG JERNIH. kanak2 nih sentiasa suka akan kedatangan hari2 baru..datangnya hari baru bererti ada perkara baru yang lebih seronok akan mereka lalui..dapat jumpa kawan2 atau dapat main lagi di padang permainan.. dapat beli lagi sticker yg mereka suka tue.. (contoh). maksudnya>> mereka nih FOKUS PADA BENDA2 POSITIF DLM HIDUP. and they LIVE IT UP EVERY MOMENT.

Yang tak bestnyer, part tak leh nak kongsi barang2 tuh, apatah lagi kasih sayang. n bila mereka bergaduh, masyaAllah, nak roboh rumah dibuatnya. tapi kita sebagai yg tua, yg matang, yg mendidik, kenalah pandai membimbing, tunjukkan jalan,akhlak dan contoh yang baik utk mereka ni. PENDIDIKAN ASAS BERMULA DARI RUMAH. Adalah lebih elok jika pendidikan yg diberikan itu adalah yg selari dgn cara hidup islam. mungkin boleh dilonggarkan sedikit2 dari segi puasa contohnya.. apa yg penting kita bagi mereka faham apa itu cara hidup islam.. dan sudah semestinya kita nih kenalah ikut buat sama..

contohnya : takkan lah kita suruh adik2 kita pergi masjid or surau utk solat tp kita plak pergi pasar malam sebab nak mkn murtabak yg diidam2kan sejak 2 minggu lepas.. ini dah salah tunjuk ajar nih.. tak pun kita ajar mereka supaya jaga kebersihan, tak elok buang sampah merata2, alih2 kita kat rumah kemain liat lagi nak bersihkan bilik sendiri.. jgn kata bilik, meja belajar or katil pun dah cukuplah buat bukti betapa lainnya apa yg diajar dan apa yg dibuat. (sy harap anda semua tidak begitu.. sekali-sekala maybe ok kot.. lebih elok takda langsung).

so, kwn2: sama2 perbaiki diri. jgn gaduh2, tak elok. apa2 masalah kita bw berbincang, cakap elok2.. selesai secara matang k. (dalam hal nih, barulah tak boleh ikut perangai budak2.. nak menang diri sendiri n mencari salah org lain shj.. )

kenapa anda mahu jadi doktor?

artikel nih saya ambil dari blog saifulislam>>baca lah yer kengkawan yg bakal jadi doktor tuh.. insyaAllah.. ia betul2 buat sy terfikir ke mana hala tuju sy sebagai bakal doktor di bumi Allah nih.. apa2 sekalipun, letakkan title islam tuh dulu sebelum apa2 title sekalipun k. nnt kalau dah mati, dok dlm kubur, malaikat tak tanya: 'kamu dulu kerja apa? ooo.. jadi doktor.. amik specialist tak? pakai kereta apa?? degree dpt dr mana?? Rusia?UK?Ireland?Malaysia?Indonesia?? 'malaikat akan tanya: 'siapa tuhan kamu? siapa nabi kamu? apa agama kamu? apa kitab kamu?'kalau nasib baik, amalan di dunia cukup, lepas lah kita, kalau tidak........ nauzubillahiminzallik. harap2 nasib kita bukan di situlah. amin..
k kwn2: bacalah betul2 yer artikel nih.. sama2 kita ambil iktibar daripadanya.

“Kenapa anda mahu jadi doktor?”, saya melemparkan soalan ini, selepas mempertontonkan kepada pelajar di IMU tadi video dari koleksi Stephen R. Covey.

Pelajar yang hadir tersenyum-senyum.

“Sebab minat biologi?”, saya bertanya.

Ramai yang ketawa. Itu mungkin alasan semasa di Tingkatan 4 dahulu.

“Sebab suka tolong orang?”, saya terus bertanya.

Ramai yang mengangguk.

“Well, come on. Ramai yang hantar anak buat perubatan supaya boleh rawat ibu bapa sendiri nanti. Tetapi realitinya, kamu bukan manusia pertama boleh muncul memberikan rawatan jika berlaku apa-apa kepada ibu bapa. Malah ketika di bilik pembedahan dan wad kecemasan, ahli keluarga bukanlah calon terbaik untuk merawat ahli keluarga sendiri. Namanya, profesionalisma”, saya menyambung provokasi.

“Kamu nak tolong suami, isteri dan anak-anak? Rasa saya, suami doktor, isteri doktor dan anak-anak doktorlah yang paling banyak kena berdikari”, saya terus mencucuk jarum.

“Saya selalu beritahu isteri, bahawa apabila awak berjaya jadi specialist nanti, jangan lupa bahawa orang yang paling banyak berkorban ialah tiga orang ini. Anak-anak kita. Merekalah yang berkorban, melepaskan masa yang sepatutnya kita beri kepada mereka, agar kita berjaya”, saya berkongsi cerita.

Saya sengaja mengacah pelajar-pelajar di IMU supaya berfikir bersungguh-sungguh, mengapa mereka memilih bidang perubatan.

Jika anda seorang perempuan yang bakal menjadi doktor, anda perlu tahu bahawa walaupun negara amat terdesak kepada adanya ramai tenaga pakar, anda tidak akan diberikan ‘kemudahan’ untuk menjadi pakar. Anda tidak ada cuti bersalin, seandainya anda ‘termengandung’ semasa sedang membuat program pakar. Anda tidak menerima sebarang elaun untuk membeli buku. Semua kena guna duit sendiri. Kursus dan seminar yang anda hadir, anda mesti membayarnya sendiri. Mungkin anda terpaksa menawarkan diri menjadi AJK agar dapat dikecualikan dari yuran, walaupun anda tahu akibat menjadi AJK itu. Semua orang mahu anda bekerja seperti orang lain, ketika anda terdesak menghadapi peperiksaan. Tiada belas, tiada insentif.

Misalnya isteri saya, kerana 2 minggu cuti yang diperuntukkan untuk kecemasan dan lain-lain, sudah pun digunakan bersalin, lupakanlah kenduri kendara di kampung, lupakanlah ibu bapa, 6 bulan tiada cuti.

Bukan calang-calang kerja.

Anda mahu menjadi pelajar perubatan kerana mahu menolong orang? Tolonglah diri sendiri kerana anda yang amat memerlukan pelbagai pertolongan itu nanti.

“Maka, apa tujuan anda mahu menjadi doktor?”, soalan yang sama saya ulang sekali lagi.

Pelajar-pelajar itu termenung. Sesi soal jawab tiada soalan, kerana semua soalan adalah untuk ditanya kepada diri sendiri, dan diri sendirilah yang perlu menjawabnya.

PERSOALAN NILAI

Kuliah kali ini adalah tentang nilai. Apa nilai yang dibawa dalam sebuah pekerjaan? Dalam sebuah kehidupan.

Jika seorang isteri mengungkit di hadapan suami, bahawa kerja rumahnya, kerjanya ‘melayan suami’, tidak mungkin mampu dibalas walaupun dengan bayaran RM2000 sebulan, maka nilai apakah yang ada pada dirinya? Saya tidak bermaksud membela lelaki yang tidak tahu menghargai isterinya, tetapi dalam kes ini, si perempuan itu sudah menjatuhkan dirinya.

Hanya ‘bibik’ sahaja yang buat kerja rumah untuk duit. Maafkan saya, hanya pelacur sahaja yang meletakkan harga pada layanannya terhadap seorang lelaki.

Seorang ibu membuat kerja rumah kerana NILAI KASIH SAYANG. Seorang isteri juga melakukan apa yang ia lakukan atas NILAI KASIH SAYANG. Maka tanpa kasih sayang, perkahwinan adalah beban. Malah sumber kebencian.

Menentukan nilai, sebagai pendorong kita melakukan sesuatu adalah sangat penting. Nilai itu akan mencorakkan tingkah laku kita terhadap pekerjaan yang kita lakukan.

NILAI DUIT

Kalau pekerjaan diukur dengan nilai wang, maka kita akan berhadapan dengan banyak masalah, walaupun wang berjaya diperolehi.

Sekarang ni sudah menjadi satu trend kepada dua industri, kalau boleh saya katakan industri. Yang pertamanya adalah industri perubatan, dan yang keduanya, industri berkaitan petroleum. Trend yang saya maksudkan di sini, adalah perpisahan di antara seorang suami atau isteri dengan pasangannya, serta anak-anak, kerana prospek kerjaya dan desakan nilai wang itu tadi.

Sudah menjadi kebiasaan, pasangan yang sudah berumahtangga, berpisah sementara (bukan calang-calang sementara) demi melepaskan isteri yang bekerja sebagai jururawat di luar negara, khususnya di negara Teluk. Begitu juga dengan mereka yang terbabit dengan industri petroleum, bekerja di negara Teluk dan Afrika, menyahut saranan majikan untuk meningkatkan kerjaya dan pendapatan dengan berhijrah ke negara yang menagih kepakaran kita. Ia hebat, menggiurkan… tetapi output daripadanya merunsingkan saya.

Itu, belum lagi dikorek kisah suami di Johor, isteri di Pulau Pinang atau Kuala Lumpur.

Trend ini berlaku dan merebak di dalam masyarakat, dan saya ditakdirkan Allah bertemu dengan outputnya. Saya bertemu dengan anak-anak remaja, yang ayah mereka pulang ke Malaysia 4 kali setahun. Saya bertemu dengan kes, suami main kayu tiga ketika isteri meninggalkannya gersang setahun di tanah air. Saya juga bertemu dengan kes isteri yang mem’poligami’kan suaminya dengan bersuamikan orang lain semasa di perantauan. Dan kes-kes ini membiak dari semasa ke semasa. Tidak pernah menjadi tajuk berita.

Tentu sahaja, hasil kewangan dari kenaikan pangkat dengan bekerja jauh dari pasangan dan anak-anak, boleh mengubah nasib keluarga. Tetapi perubahan itu apakah ke arah positif atau negatif? Maka yang dikejar dalam sebuah rumah tangga dan perkahwinan, apakah boleh disandarkan pada nilai material?

NILAI - HARGA - KORBAN

Nilai berkadar terus dengan harga. Tinggi nilai, tinggilah harga. Tinggi harga, banyaklah korban dan pengorbanan yang diperlukan bagi mendapatkannya. Untuk bekerja dengan gaji RM10,000 sebulan, apakah harga yang perlu dibayar untuk nilai material RM10K itu? Kehancuran rumah tangga, kepincangan emosi dan identiti anak-anak, dosa… itulah harga yang mungkin perlu dibayar untuk nilai material yang dijadikan asas bekerja.

Anak-anak yang mewah dengan nilai material ini, gersang dan menderita pada nilai kasih sayang dan perhatian ibu bapanya. Sering saya ulang, ‘mereka adalah generasi yang kesunyian’.

Jangan terkejut, dengan hanya 3 hari perkenalan, seorang remaja boleh menjadi mangsa lelaki yang berniat jahat. Mengapa begitu mudah? Lelaki itu memberi sesuatu yang tiada diperolehi remaja tersebut di dalam keluarganya iaitu KASIH SAYANG dan PERHATIAN.

Malam ini saya mahu pelajar-pelajar yang hadir ke kuliah ini, melatih diri mereka dengan tabiat ‘Begin With the End in Mind‘. Lihatlah apa yang menanti di hujung perjalanan mereka sebagai seorang doktor perubatan.

TENTUKAN NILAI SEAWAL PERJALANAN

Maka, semenjak mereka di bangku pengajian, soal nilai yang ingin dibawa pada kerjaya di masa hadapan, mesti ditentukan.

Anda boleh mengambil sikap tidak mengendahkan hal ini, bekerjalah selagi mampu, kejarlah habuan material yang dikejar selama ini, tetapi anda perlu meneliti harga yang perlu dibayar. Perhatikan di mana korbannya? Harga dan korban itu mungkin rumah tangga, mungkin pesakit, dan yang paling besar, mungkin sistem itu sendiri.

Hati saya amat terhiris, mendengar kawan-kawan saya dan isteri, mengeluh tentang satu demi satu penceraian yang menimpa pasangan doktor. Sama ada kedua-dua suami dan isteri itu doktor, atau salah seorang daripada mereka.

PROVOKASI DEMI MASA DEPAN

Atas provokasi inilah, saya mengajak adik-adik di bangku pengajian perubatan, untuk menyemak hubung kait bidang ini dengan Tujuan Hidup mereka. Kenang kembali siapa mereka di alam ini? Kenal diri, dan kenallah Ilahi.

Kita sebagai hamba Allah, menjaga tali kita dengan Dia yang disembah. Yang diabdikan diri kepada-Nya. Ia hablun minaLlah.

Kita sebagai khalifah, menjaga tali kita dengan manusia ciptaan-Nya, kerana kita ditugaskan menjadi saluran kebaikan-Nya ke alam ini. Ia hablun minannaas.

Buat baik kepada sesama manusia, boleh dengan sedekah, boleh dengan memimpin tangan si buta di pinggir jalan. Namun sedekah hanya sekali sekala, orang buta bukan setiap hari kita jumpa. Jalan kebaikan yang paling utama, adalah pada menjadikan kerja sebagai ibadah. Memberi kebaikan kepada manusia, melalui pekerjaan yang dikurniakan Allah kepada kita.

JIKA KERJA JADI IBADAH

Jika kerja jadi ibadah, Allah adalah ‘CEO’ kita. The unsung hero beroleh quwwah, untuk terus membuat kebaikan, biar sekecil mana pun di mata insan.

Jika kerja jadi ibadah, ia jalan Taqarrub kepada Allah. Tidak tergamak menghambur dosa, kerja dibuat sebaik yang upaya.

Jika kerja jadi ibadah, biar sempit jalan KEPERLUAN, asalkan luas perjalanan mencapai TUJUAN.

Ubah paradigma, betulkan nilai pada kerja.

Teruskan cita-cita kalian menjadi doktor. Ia cara terbesar, kamu zahirkan syukur kepada-Nya.

Kita hamba-Nya, kita Khalifah-Nya.

The people of the boxes

There were once some people who all saw their lives like empty boxes.
They looked all around the world, collecting up the things they liked.
They filled their lives and empty boxes with the goodies that they gathered
And they all felt in control, content, and they all felt alright.

Then they climbed inside their boxes and they settled with their trinkets.
They neither looked, nor learned much more and closed their lids up tight.
Once they’d fastened up their boxes they smiled there inside,
and they all thought in their darkness that the world was clear and bright.
But the world is not a box.

There’s no lid, no doors, no cardboard flaps or locks,
and everything in nature from the clouds to the rocks
is a piece of the puzzle of the purpose of mankind.
It's a piece of the peace that we’ll find.

Along came a wondering wise man whispering such words of truth,
who stumbled on these boxes, so separate side by side.
He knocked upon the first one saying, “Please come out and feel the day.”
An answer came from deep within, “You’re not of us please go away.”
He approached the second box and tapped thrice on the lid saying,
“Peace to you inside, shall I show you a new way?”

Someone peeked out from a crack and said, “You may just have a point,
but it’s so comfy in my box, in my box here I will stay.”
But the world is not a box.
There’s no lid, no doors, no cardboard flaps or locks,
and everything in nature from the clouds to the rocks
is a piece of the puzzle of the purpose of mankind.
It's a piece of the peace that we’ll find.

He stood before the final box, a hiding face peeked out to him,
and much to his surprise, he said “I recognize those eyes!
I see you and you see me so why not come out and be free?
Faith and flowers wilt and die if they are hidden from the sky!
`Cause the world is not a box.

There’s no lid, no doors, no cardboard flaps or locks,
and everything in nature from the clouds to the rocks
is a piece of the puzzle of the purpose of mankind.
It's a piece of the peace that we’ll find.”

Now centuries lie between all the prophets and you and I.
Civilizations are born and die each and every day.
We see good and bad and happy-sad and mad mistakes
we wish we hadn’t made in our attempt to try and live up to their way.
But if we hide ourselves away, afraid to grow and learn,
we might wake up in the flames of the ignorance that burns,
and we’ll never be much more than only casualties of war
in a struggle we can’t win if we have no faith to begin.

We’ve got to tip the lid and let some sunlight in,
`Cause the world is not a box.
There’s no lid, no doors, no cardboard flaps or locks,
and everything in nature from the clouds to the rocks
is a piece of the puzzle of the purpose of mankind.
It's a piece of the peace that we’ll find.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=g0rhdftsbow

this is the link in youtube. sorry cant provide you with the real vid here.
just listen and try to understand the real meaning behind this song ok?

make me remember if i forget

dari petang tadi saya khusyuk mencantikkan layout blog saya ni. tanpa sedar, terlalai pula. alhamdulillah, dalam usaha nak letakkan fav link tuh, saya terjumpa blog seorang ustaz (saifulislam). indah bahasanya, mengingatkan kembali pada apa yang saya telah terlupa. sungguh, laman blogspot dan yang sewaktu dengannya ini memang merbahaya.. senang saja syaitan datang meniup api nafsu di dalam dada..nauzubillah.. takut jugak bila difikir2kan.
tujuan asal saya menulis blog ni adalah untuk jadi laman saya bermuhasabah, berkongsi ilmu (beserta sedikit personal stuff agar dijadikan tauladan), menajamkan minda dan mengingatkan diri sendiri (dan pembaca.. kalau anda sudi) kepada agama Islam yang syumul. saya cuba buat berdasarkan cara dan pemahaman saya yang diharapkan agar ada orang selesa dan serasi dengannya.
oleh itu,kalau saya terlupa, ingatkanlah yer.. sama2 kita memperingati.
berdosalah saya dan sia2 lah masa, kata2 dan tenaga saya andai niat baik yang menjadi landasan utama penulisan blog ini akhirnya tidak kesampaian.
semoga Allah memberkati. insyaAllah.

ps: ada komen tak new layout nih? harap2 tulisannya senang dibaca..

the parable of pencils.

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into
the box. There are 5 things you need to know, he told the pencil, before
I send you out into the world.

Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best
pencil you can be.

ONE: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow
yourself to be held in Someone’s hand.

TWO: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but
you’ll need it to become a better pencil.

THREE: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

FOUR: The most important part of you will always be what’s inside.

FIVE: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark.

No matter what the condition, you must continue to write.
The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box
with purpose in its heart.

Now replacing the place of the pencil with you; always remember them
and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be.

ONE: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you place
your Trust in Allah.

TWO: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by
going through various problems, but you’ll need it to become a stronger
person.

THREE: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

FOUR: The most important part of you will always be what’s on the
inside.

FIVE: On every surface you walk through, you must leave your mark.

No matter what the situation, you must continue to do your duties. By
understanding and remembering, let us proceed with our life on this
earth having a meaningful purpose in our heart.

pantun berkasih sayang.

Dah lama sebenarnya saya tidak berpantun. Skill mengarang pantun pun dah tumpul, tapi xpalah, just bear with it okay? Versi old school yg diperbaharui. (waktu tulis nih pun, saya dah rs sgt kelakar.. tah hapa2 tah..hope you can understand ). Kali nih, saya cuba selami perasaan orang bercinta vs orang yg memahami agamanya (menolak cinta yg melebihkan keduniaan semata); dan saya cuba luahkan dalam berpantun... pastu sy komen sket kat bwh tuh ok.

1) bila org kemaruk bercinta berpantun:

Ikan keli ikan sembilang

Burung nuri di dalam taman

Hangat hati bukan kepalang

Sedih sendiri tidak berteman.

-waktu nih si jejaka atau si gadis masih tidak berjumpa pilihan hati. Kiranya tengah sedih kemainlah.. masa tuh diorg pun pk ‘apalah salah aku, apalah kurangnya aku. Kenapa org lain ada couple tp aku takder??’

indah pesona puteri beradu

mengadu nasib di pohon cemara

resah hati menggung rindu

kelu lidah tanpa bicara

-ketika ini, si jejaka telah berjumpa dgn cowok pilihan hatinya. Org baru nak belajar bercinta.. apalah sgt benda yg nak dibualkan?? TAPI… bil telefon tinggi betul.. kerja topup ajer.. pendek kata, kalau boleh, nak gam terus kat telinga tuh..dating sana, dating sini, pergi GALA nite lg.. (tak baik mcm nih kwn2.. mmg seronok bercinta, tambah seronok bila ada syaitan dok kipas2 ‘bara api cinta + nafsu’ kat dlm dada tuh.. jd benda lain nnt, mana nak sorok muka???)

Perit tekak mengidam sejuk

Hajat tak sampai terbiar sepi

Rajuk hati ingin dipujuk

Damba kasih tidak bertepi

- akhirnya, sampai satu ketika, bergaduhlah pasangan Romeo n Juliet ini.. habes 2-3 tempayan air mata si gadis menangis.. kalau si jejaka, mungkin frust juga.. mulalah dgr lagu2 sedih. If you’re not the one ker… takpun dgr lagu2 head banging rock abes.. yer lah, tgh kecewa lah katakan.. pasal benda remeh-temeh pun boleh bergaduh.. dr Mr Right terus jd Mr tak berapa Right.. hehe. Yer lah, nak lepaskan sayang, takut tak dpt lg org ‘sebagus’ dia..

Tumbuh tinggi pohon juasih

Melata liar pohon selumbar

Sekian lama memadu kasih

Bila kunjungnya merisik khabar?

- sebab nak berbaik punya pasal, si gadis nih pun serahkanlah segalanya.. Jiwa raga, dgn bakul2nya sekali.. sampai dah leh kira papa-kedana lah org kata. Tapi, yg si gadis nih lupa..MAN WILL ALWAYS BE MAN.(I’m not saying this to everyMan out there but most of them are like this). they just wanted fun.. who wants a girl who easily taken to bed to be his wife right? Besides.. he can easily shrugged you off like some discarded old paper ready to be stepped on; because if you can kiss him or show your precious body to him that easy, you can always do the same with some other guys rite??

N so, tak tahulah apa jadi kat si gadis nih.. mungkin nasib dia agak baik lepas tuh, jumpa lelaki yg akan menerima dia ‘seadanya’. Time will tell.

Ok. Habis cerita diorg. Sambung part 2 plak:

2) bila org yg faham agamanya berpantun :

Hiba si adik tangis bersendu

Hajat di hati ketemu nyonya

Mengapa disusah menganyam rindu

Jodoh tersedia dijanjikanNya.

- ini baru betul. Tak payah susah payah cari kekasih. Like I wrote before in my previous entry, the rite man will come at the rite time. Tak mati pun takder couple nih. Love is only a bonus in your life. you don’t need another person to ‘complete’ you. He just there to ‘complement’ you. Makes your life richer with experience of love. The kind of love that Allah approves of. Believe in Him, you’ll find your man when the time is right.

Riang gelama di hujung kuala

Tepian lembah turun bertamu

Pelihara agama teguhkan jiwa

Kelak ‘Fatimah’ jadi milikmu.

- kalau kita hendakkan jodoh yg bagus, kita pun kenalah membaguskan diri juga. Allah dah janjikan, perempuan yg baik utk lelaki yg baik n vice versa. Jgn harapkan dpt Ali kalau diri tidak sebaik Fatimah az-Zahra. n please remember this, everyone of you out there deserve the best for yourself. No exception in that. It just that you cannot expect it to be one sided only. Alangkah indahnya kalau 2 org individu muslim berkahwin dan akhirnya dpt membentuk kelurga muslim yg betul2 mengamalkan apa yg diajarkan dlm Islam dan meninggalkan yg dilarangNya. Macam tuh kuranglah masalah gejala social. It seems hard to do, but its not impossible to be done.

Orang Sibu datang bertamu

Menyunting bunga buat jejaka

Kasihkan ibu jannah milikmu

Sayangkan bapa jauhkan neraka

- n lastly, jgn piker diri sendiri ajer. Mak bapak jgn dilupakan. Kenang jasa mereka dan layan mereka sebaik2Nya. Bagaimana kita mahu bakal anak2 kita layan kita, begitulah sebaik2nya kita layan org tua kita.

Wallahualam.

The will to fights...

I’ve been considering this topic for a few days straight yet I don’t have the time and enough urge to really put down my thoughts in it. Well, actually, the main point behind all this is ME TRYING TO RESIST A FEW ADDICTIONS in my life. I’m saying its an addiction because its come to a point that I know its bad for my own self (my heart and my mind to be exact) but I don’t have the power to REALLY resist it. It’s like I’m cannot live my life without it. Well, in my case its sports, anime and music (quite a deadly combination yeah??). Well, it seem silly to some people but I guess its big deals for me. I was trying and still trying to bring out the best in me ( which is fully understanding the real meaning of me as a muslim girl. I don’t want it to be just name. like some tag name you wear when you want and throw it out when you don’t feel like one)

I’ve realized that almost most of time were spend for those 3 (besides learning medic of course), and deep down, I can say that I’m struggling inside. Sometimes it’s like I can even hear my ‘own self’ arguing WITH my ‘own self’. The good part and the evil part. N of course, the ‘I’ part (as in me the writer.. haha)

Myself: come on, you should stop doing this!

Me : why should i? I like it n I’m happy with it.

Myself : its that all there is to your life? what’s your purpose in living? Is it just for fun, working, having family??

Me : who’s you trying to kid around? This is where you find the joy in really live it up.

Myself : I don’t want to just live it ‘here’. Here as in the world. The earth. How about your afterlife? Don’t wanna do something about that?? You sure you gonna go to heaven is it?

…………………. Here, I’m starting to have some really deep thoughts…………

As if the two me don’t freaks me yet??? OMG!!!!!

Hmmmmmm… I don’t know. Lets take futsal for example. The league has just ended and for the first time in my life here in Moscow, I’ve got 2 gold medal straight. N I really got sentimental over my 1^st medal here. Gosh!! I’ve really enjoy all the games, the struggling to win and keep it together between the teammates, all those time we spend practicing in the cold winter-like-autumn-weather behind the Kahov’s hostel.. n I do enjoy screaming to the top of my lungs cheering my hearts out for my friends out there. But then I realize, this is not the proper way for a muslim girl to acts around. Well, you know futsal, it’s a boy’s game to start with. Whats good in it girls kicking and running around the courts running after the ball?? (I’ve remembered that once my PJ’s teacher used to say that football is not a girl’s game coz its actually not good for your reproductive system.. ). What can I say, after knowing all this, I’m still playing coz I REALLY LOVES IT.

For music and anime parts, I’m trying my best to limit it to the times that I really really need it. Which it like – almost most of the time… I’m such a loser here. Japan’s anime – well some can be really good for you in terms of not getting stressed having exam and all that, but how about all the wasted time you spend for it?? The ‘hentai’ part?? And music… the time you spend wishing that someone dedicating you that kind of songs. The time you were deep in thoughts of having the ‘one’ Mr right?( ex : No promise from Shayne Wards, Lelaki ini Anuar Zain…All the Way Celine Dion and the list go on and on ) ………

For now, I’m gonna give myself a 2 weeks trial time. Starting at square 1. GOOD LUCKS TO ME!! I’m not saying I’m gonna put off everything I like, I just want to limit it to just the good part only. If I can make it. The war within yourself. Like the saying goes : face your greatest enemy – yourself! Its you that can make the difference.

half burn.

Dlm pukul 2pg lebih td, kami semua yg tgh tido mati nih dikejutkan dgn bunyi bising di luar bilik.. announcement pelbagai bahasa to be exact. yg pd ms tuh tak tahulah apa benda yg dicakapkan. Tak dan nak focus. Apa yg wat sy terbangun sebnarnya adalah kerana bunyi pintu yg dh nak setengah roboh diketuk dr luar. Guess what? ADA KEBAKARAN KAT HOSTEL KAHOV!!! Bila dh phm the small-but-very-important piece of information (which is the hostel is on fire somewhere…), apa lagi, kelam-kabut semua org.. hehe.

Sy pd mulanya ingatkan kwn rumate sy yg ketuk pintu, that’s y wat tak tahu jer.mn lah tahu, sebnarnya, thanks to that guy who consistently knocking the door, we FINALLY wake up from our-deep-beauty-slumber. ^_^ . klaka gila kejutkan rumate sy bgn. Merepek2 jer dia. Tp itu pun dia still sempat kunci pintu bilik kitorg. [selit sket : Dia mmg the-locking-door-freak. Kerja nak kunci ajer kerjanya..smp sy g toilet or dok bilik sebelah which is still inside our room’s compartment pun kena bw kunci. I’m practically glued to my keys.]

Kitorg dh kluar setengah jln pastuh patah balik pakai winter coat. In case kalau kena evacuate dok kat luar hostel. (but at the same time, tak teringat nak tukar selipar kepada kasut, tah hapa2 tah kitorg nih).yg penting, bw dokumen pengenalan diri n pakai seadanya. Kalau ikut keadaan sebenar, kitorg ber4 bilik 419 nih dh half burned dah. Hehe.

Rupa2nya, ada paip air panas kat dlm dinding kat tingkat 2 yg terbakar n keluarkan asap masuk ke toilet bilik salah seorg kwn kitorg. Sampai2 kat ground floor (hostel kitorg 5 tingkat jer), dh ramai org kat bwh. Ada yg mmg dh lengkap berpakaian.kalau kena kluar g mn2 pun dh takpa dh. Ms tuh gembira lah dok sembang2 ngn kengkwn, (ramai rupanya manusia kat kahov nih..)

Nasib baiklah kwn kitorg tuh cepat bertindak orangnya. Kalau mmg takder org sedar, n the hot pipe suddenly burst out? Kitorg conform tak dpt mandi air panas lagi.. dh lh tgh2 winter nih T_T. The coolest thing is dpt rs pengalaman kena evacuate due to fire in the middle of the nite, in winter some more!! Dpt tgk firemen Russia yg tough2 beraksi dpn mata. Hehe. (pst: ada sorg firemen tuh sempat merokok. He’s smoking n coming to save a burned place?? What a jerk! ) Luckily, nothing bad happen, we cannot even see where’s the fire or smoke is. They really quick in making actions. After half an hour, kitorg semua boleh balik ke blk, happily chatting with neighbours, as if nothing happen.

N then, when I reach my room, a few things hit my mind. What if the fire is real? What if we really got burned? The possibility of dying is there. Terus sy teringat, dh lah wat lagha jer sepanjang mlm semalam, tengok movie lah, tak abes blaja pun lg.. what if I really died, without having the chance to atone for my sins??without having the chance to speak to my family again? Astaghfirullah.. ngeri betul bila dipikirkan. N so, sy pun tak boleh nak tido lg dh… blaja n muhasabah diri ajer lah.n kacau abah pagi2 di msia.

22-11-2007 [03:42am]

eating monster.

Baru2 ni, berat bdn sy dh naik. Bukan naik sket2… naik lebih dr 4-5 kg. Sebnarnya, b4 this, masa kat sekolah dulu, sy kena pggl ‘tiang’ sbb kurus sgt n flat ajer. Kena pulak main netball, lagilah sesuai panggilan tiang tuh. Hehe. Lepas SPM, barulah berat bdn mcm stabil sket, tapi bila dtg Moscow, rupa2nya lemak yg ada tidak mencukupi. ^_^. Masa mula2 sampai mmg tak berapa ada selera nk mkn.

Dlm 3^rd year mcm tuh, sy wat keputusan nak naikkan berat bdn. I’m marginally underweight at that time. N I’m seriously cannot stand the cold. And so, I start my own reversing diet program. Sebab cam dh cekap masak sket + dh tahu tempat2 mknn halal kat mana , rasa memang heaven lah ms tuh. Sy slalu jer wat kerja tak senonoh g 2-3 tempat yg berlainan semata2 sebab nak cukupkan course mknn iaitu main dish+ side dish. Sy pastikan yg sy mkn on time, cukup khasiat dan lebihkan kalori, n utk extra satiety, makan coklat plak lepas mkn nasi. (haha.. takut tak dgr nih?) bila balik cuti summer, kerja mkn ajer.. kira mmg balas dendam abes2an lah.

Selepas 2 tahun (sekarang dh msuk 5^th year sejak start program menaikkan berat bdn).. akhirnya mcm dh nak terlebih berat bdn plak. Hehe. I’m such a disaster. I did look chubby a bit in certain places but actually, I don’t seem that fat with my height n my body shape. Its just that the figures making me look fat. Plus the fact that I do eat more than my average female friends. N the fact that I always been seeing eating when we have class recess or I bring my own cooked food from home. (OMG!!! Scream… !! I did look like an eating monsters!)

But.. to my defense :

1. With my weight just now, I’m in normal range of BMI . I do look and feel better. (I don’t wanna look like stick).
2. The coldness here is not a problem anymore. That’s the best part!! =D
3. What matters is that I’m healthy and fit right? ( I do exercise regularly, well, its not religiously, but plus all the 1 hour journey to class, I think that’s gonna be enough plus my playing-futsal-time. )
4. abah, mak ngn makcik2 sy semua suka masak utk sy or bg sy mkn, sbb sy wat usaha mereka tuh sgt dihargai. Hehe. (tiba2 rs cam pet pulak).
5. And lastly, I do enjoy eating and I’m not ashamed of my good appetite. That’s quite a rare thing to find in girls.. that mean I’m unique rite?? Haha ^_^

memikul tanggungjawab.

Dalam mencari pasangan hidup, sy percaya kita mesti berusaha mempersiakan diri dan berusaha menjd individu Muslim yg bagus. Memang ilmu2 rumah tangga dan perhubungan itu penting, tapi apa yg lebih penting adalah persediaan kita nak menjd nakhoda dan penjaga kepada masjid yg bakal dibina itu sendiri. Tipulah kalau kata tak nak anak sendiri. I know deep down in everyone’s heart, u’re secretly like to have a miniature of urself to play and to grow with.

Bagaimana nak membentuk keluarga yg harmoni dan sihat jiwa dan fizikalnya kalau org yg bakal menjd ibu bapanya pun hidupnya tunggang-langgang?? Tgk sajalah keadaan dunia sekarang. Bagaimana layanan org muda kepada org2 yg lebih tua? Bagaimana pengajaran ibu bapa zaman moden sekarang? Anak muda zaman sy dilahirkan boleh kata rata2 adalah golongan mereka yg berani bercakap dan mempertahankan hak masing2. itu sesuatu yg bagus, tapi kalau sampai dah tak ingat nak hormat org tua,apa gunanya? Alhamdulillah, setakat nih, kawan2 sy semuanya anak2 yg bagus. Ada juga yg dtg dr keluarga berantakan, but surprisingly they turn out quite good. Well, better in fact. Anak2 yg lahir dlm keluarga berantakan nih, ada 2 pilihan jer selalunya. Either turns out very excellent in life or turns out jd rebel in life. Tak pun jd pessimist ( small percentage ).

Allah dh janji, perempuan yg baik utk lelaki yg baik n vice versa. Sy pun nk quote sket ayat mak sorg kwn rapat sy, ‘the right man will come at the right time’. Kwn sy nih dh jumpa jodoh pilihan hatinya. I’m so happy for her =D.

Ada sorg lecturer sy nih, membebel lah pasal teenagers Russia zmn skrg. Suhu kat luar -10c still pakai short skirt lg, dh lh kurus kering, merokok, minum arak, g disko lagi, cmna lah nak melahirkan bayi2 yg sihat? Siap bercerita sampai masuk JLo n Britney lagi. Hehe. Sj selitkan sket ilmu2 utk bkl parents masa hadapan : cradle movement yg gentle actually increasing the baby’s brain circulation. Even sucking it’s a hard job for a baby. Especially the hypoxic ones (bayi yg dilahirkan tak cukup oxygen).

· Doa utk pasangan hidup dlm Surah al-Furqan [25:74] – ‘ya Tuhan kami, anugerahkanlah kepada kami pasangan kami dan keturunan kami sebagai penyenang hati kami, dan jadikanlah kami sebagai pemimpin kepada org2 yg bertakwa’.

· Berbuat baik kepada ibu bapa, surah luqman [31:14] – dan Kami perintahkankepada manusia (agar berbuat baik) kepada kedua org tuanya. Ibunya telah mengandungnya dlm keadaan lemah yg bertambah2, dan meyusunya dlm usia 2 thn. Bersyukurlah kepadaKu dan kepada kedua org tuamu. Hanya kepadaKu lah kembalimu.

things we taken for granted..

Tinggal di dalam dunia yg serba sibuk nih, pernah tak anda berhenti sekejap, lihat dunia sekeliling anda dan cuba berfikir dan hayati segala benda yang selama ini kita buat tak tahu saja dgn kehadirannya. Bila benda tuh tiba2 tak ada atau bukan lagi jadi milik kita, masa itu lah baru nak menyesal atau akhirnya sedar betapa bernilai sebnarnyer benda itu. Tak perlu pergi jauh. Ambil diri sendiri sebagai contoh.

Perjalanan saya pergi lecture Pediatric hari tuh buat sy terfikir ttg perkara nih : things in life that I’m taken for granted. Saya dah lah mmg dh lmbt pg tuh, tapi tak sangka Dia ada perkara lain yg disediakan utk sy pg tuh. Mcm biasa, waktu pg dlm pukul 8 mcm tuh, mmg waktu hectic moscow’s metro. Org berhimpit2 macam dlm tong sardine. Kat tempat nak tukar antara stesen tuh lg lah.. MasyaAllah, padatnya pagi tuh, org berjalan sket2 mengalahkan zombie. Masa tuh sy terfikir, bersyukurnya sy dikurniakan ketinggian dan tubuh bdn yg sihat.. (tinggi sy yg hamper 1.7m nih pun kdg2 dok celah ketiak org2 Rusia jer.. kesian kwn2 sy yg laen.. hehe). Dpt lah jugak bertahan himpit2 mcm tuh. Kadang2 tuh ada jugak rs mcm nak pitam. Tapi sebab sy sure sy mesti akan jadi flat carpet terus kalau terpengsan kat situ, so bertahan ajer lah.

Tgh2 naik escalator yg agak tinggi lebih kurang 3-4 tingkat tuh, tiba2 escalator tuh berhenti kat tgh jln. Memandangkan sy dh lebih kurang ½ jalan, so sy pun berjalan ajer lah naik tangga tuh.. cuba bayangkan makcik dan nenek2 tua, tak pun org2 yg bw brg2 yg besar dan berat.. fuh.. mmg berpeluh di watnyer.

Dr stesen Krapotkinskaya, sy naik bas utk ke bangunan Pediatric tuh. Malas nak jalan kaki. Tah mcm m nada seorg perempuan tua yg hampir buta pun naik sekali bas tuh. (makcik tuh pakai spek.mungkin nak pergi hospital mata kot. Sekilas pandang, s yrs makcik tuh ada mature cataract. Tak berani nak tgk lebih2, nnt kena marah plak).makcik tuh beratur kat depan sy. Ada seorang kwn dia jadi penunjuk jalan. Memandangkan keadaan dia yg dh agak tua, jd terpaksalah dipimpin naik tangga bas tuh. Walaupun ada tongkat, tp makcik tuh lebih bergantung kepada arahan yg diberikan kwnnya tuh. Perlahan2 menapak selangkah demi selangkah sambil berpegang pd tepi2 kerusi. Masa nak turun tuh pun, kemain susah lagi.

Melihatkan keadaan makcik tua tuh, sy jd insaf sekejap. Terbayang bagaimana lah keadaan sy kalau tiba2 ditakdirkan Allah sy hilang nikmat penglihatan, pendengaran ataupun deria2 yg lain. Terbayang betapa susahnya sy kalau Allah cabut balik keupayaan sy berjalan ataupun kesihatan yg sy ada sekarang.

• Oleh itu, my dear friends: don’t take anything for granted. Make sure you treasure every minutes of your life. And be thankful to God for what you have.
• Surah as-Sajdah [32:9] - … Dia menjadikan pendengaran, penglihatan dan hati bagimu, tetapi sedikit sekali kamu bersyukur.

stories on hatred.

ada pepatah yang mengatakan : kita takkan kenal seseorang itu selagi kita tidak bermusafir bersamanya, tinggal bersamanya atau berjiran denggannya.

pada saya, ayat ni mmg tersangatlah betulnya. sepanjang 4 tahun lebih sy menumpang hidup di bumi moscow ni, mmg tak pernah terlintas di fikiran saya yang sy akan dpt rs bagaimana rasanya hidup dgn org lain yg gaya hidup mereka mmg langsung tak sama. org kata kalau sy ke kanan, maka roomate sy tuh ke kiri lah. mmg multinational n kontroversi abes lah. mcm2 cerita ada. hehe. tp sy percaya bukan sy sorang jer yg rs mcm nih. ada ramai lagi yg senasib ngn sy kat luar sn. sy pernah tggl sebilik ngn org msia (itu biasalah), org israel dan yang terbaru org ghana.

dlm ramai2 nih, sy rs yg terbaru ni lah yg plg mencabar kesabaran, keimanan, dan kecekalan hati sy. sy pernah menangis, skt hati, marah dan mcm2 lagi perasaan yg tak elok semua kluar disebabkan dia. ada satu ketika tuh, sy smp tak boleh nak duduk dlm bilik sendiri sbb mrh sgt ngn dia nih. (sy rs ms tuh setan mmg suka abes lah dpt rekrut sy jg geng dia). bukan maksud sy nak meburuk2kan rumate sy nih. nak bercerita biar jadikan pengajaran dan tauladan. lihat sendiri bagaimana keadaan dunia sekeliling. dia nih jenis yg tak mkn smn sket. ckp elok2 dia wat tak tahu, apatah lg bila cakap tak berapa elok. sentiasa psg tv or lagu kuat2 tak kira waktu n especially bila sy nk solat or mengaji.menyeksi 24-7 mengalahkan org zmn purba.tak kira lagi boyfren2 dia yg sepanjang ms nk bertenggek kat blk sy tuh(n they dont just sit n talk). pendek kata mmg makan hati gila2 lah.. (agaknya masa tuh, smp dh takder hati dh nak mkn.. hehe).

maka slalulah sy mengadu, marah2 dan merengek kat abah n kengkwan. merintih dan mengadu nasib dgn-Nya. sy nih sebnarnya kira sgt bernasib baik sbb ada abah sy yg sgt2 melayan dan membantu sy utk sentiasa be cool and laid back. abah sy slalu nasihatkan sy wat tak tahu jer ngn org sebegitu. lagi dilayan lagi menjd2 perangainya. (and he's so true). tak payah nak rendahkan diri kita dgn 'berlwn' cara dia. kalau kita menghadapi mslh, cara utk menghadapinya adlh dgn mengubah keadaan tuh or mengubah diri kita agar lebih mampu menghadapi keadaan itu. n since i can do nothing about her or changing my room.. so i'm changing myself to face it. changing for a better person of course.

i learn to accept her for who she is. learn to tolerate more. learn to speak for myself clearly when needed. learn to keep my distance in all the bad influence she posses. n learn to communicate more. n the more important thing is i LEARN TO FORGIVE.

sy slalu fikir kalau sy tunjuk cara yg tak elok kat dia, mesti dia akan ingat agama Islam nih teruk. inilah apa yg diajarkan oleh Islam kepada penganutnya. dan disebabkan sy wat mcm tuh, hilanglah satu kemungkinan yg akan bertambah seorg penganut agama Allah yg syumul agamanya. Nauzubillah. sy tak nak disiksa sbb itu. sbb sy yg sebnarnya menghalang proses dia mendapat hidayahNya.

alhamdulillah, walaupun masih ada rs tak puas hati tuh (kdg2).. tp sy rs kami mcm dh ok byk.dah boleh bertolak ansur dlm menghormati hak hidup masing2. ada one time tuh, sy siap rs klaka plak bila dia cuba nak provoke sy ngn benda2 yg dia wat tuh. sudahnya, dia mengalah bila dia sedar dia tak leh nk wat sy lose control pd ms tuh. (rs cam pendeta plak ms tuh.. or mcm p.ramlee dlm pendekar bujang lapuk.. cubaan... cubaan... ^_^ hehe.)
dan baru2 nih, sy terbc 1 cerita psl seorg guru nak mengajar anak murid dia ttg buruknya perasaan benci nih :

A kindergarten teacher has decided to let her class play a game. The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes. Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates, so the number of potatoes that a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates. So when the day came, every child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to 5 potatoes.

The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go (even to the toilet) for 1 week. Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags. After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended.

The teacher asked: “How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?” The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go. Then the teacher told them the hidden meaning behind the game. The teacher said: “This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart.

The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime?”

Moral of the story:

Throw away any hatred for anyone from your heart so that you will not carry sins for a lifetime. Forgiving others is the best attitude to take. “Learn to Forgive and Forget.”

• surah an-nur ayat 22: .... dan hendaklah mereka memaafkan dan berlapang dada. Apakah kamu tidak suka bahawa Allah mengampunimu? dan Allah Maha Pengampun, Maha Penyayang.
• with 1 minute u loss urself in anger and hatred, u lose 60 minute of ur lifetime. so dont waste it!!