By starters, I as usual keep fallen into the pitfall I’ve been trying to stay out from for months. Even with all the regular dose of ‘drugs’, it wasn’t helping that much. All I do is falling and trying to pick myself up again and again. Maybe I was relying on ‘me’ too much, but I’m positive I’m making a breakthrough of myself. The degree of falling is decreasing and the ‘depth’ is less deep. And for those who wondering, I’m talking about chucking out my bad habit one by one: PERMANENTLY insyaAllah.
Last Wednesday, one of my batch mates died. As a matter of fact, he kills himself. Commit suicide. Well, that’s what we been told so far. I’m not quite sure whether the homicide investigation is still on or not, but I’m pretty sure that what’s left of him already been brought back to his home. I don’t know him that close, but from what I know of him, he’s the least expected man on earth that I will think of committing suicide. May he get his peace at least before he died. What happen to him like screaming loud and clear to my face: no one can live alone, without the loves of another human being and obviously not without a clear and strong hold of belief (the love of God).
In the mean time, sadly to say, life does go on, with or without you. I get to know that one of my cousins is married ( I called just right after the akad nikah and I don’t know about it before hand!!) , and what’s shocking is that his wife is going to live in their house (meaning she get to stole all of my Mak Lang’s and Pak Lang’s attention!! Well, if she can of course). Not that I’m lack of parent’s love or something, its just that these two are my favorites uncle and aunt, and I love lazing about in their house.( maybe I’m just jealous here).
And after all this, my brain sort of went on auto pilot mode. I know what I have to do, its just I never got around to do it; well I think I got to do half of it. It’s in my nature actually to thrive on the adrenaline-rush-kind-of-situation, but I think life is not just for fun, there is more to that. I guess there really is no short cut to any place worth going. Somehow, you have to pull yourself together (again and again tirelessly), get a grip, and make the best of your life in and out of it (if you know what I mean). After all, if you want to discover new ocean, you must first have the courage to leave the shore. Changes are essential. To get habluminallah, you also need habluminannas, and for that, you need to respect yourself first. Love yourself and accept yourself just the way it is. As for me, everyone have their own significant in life. If you ever make mistake or found some difficulty along the way, please remember, you are never alone (if you cannot confide in others, confide in Him); and note that life is a grindstone. Whether it grinds us down or it polishes us up. Really, it depends on us. Make the right choice. Don’t wait till you didn’t have any choices left later on.
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