EXCUSE ME WHILE I’M EXPLODING

Last Thursday was such a bad day for me – a day where I finally knew how does it feel to be consumed by so much hatred and angriness that I feel like I’m going to explode any time soon; and believe me, I did my best to ‘channel’ it into the right way by any means possible, I used all my tricks up the sleeves; and thankfully – anger management is one thing I do best (for the time being).. ^_^

There was this one teacher – that for the time being we (me and most of my group mates) ‘rightfully’ declared that she was the worst one ever; for the-MOST-wasting time for waiting-and not so teaching-kind of teacher. She’s a good doctor and actually can be a good teacher if only she can be in the right time of class. Our class timetable should finish at 4.30pm everyday and we usually ended up to 5.30 or 6pm because that’s the only possible hour that she can afford to see us.

What that make me mad the most is that she couldn’t be bother to at least make the timetable a bit later in the evening so that it can suit for both sides of the group – us and her. Having to wait for 3-4 hours in a very close space locked inside with 10 people everyday is not my idea of ‘conducive learning place’ especially if you have to try read and understand it by yourself first. We usually ended up playing some word games, bingo, killer game or whatever that our tired and fed up mind could think of. On our very last day of cycle (where she should sign our zachot for finishing the cycle successfully), she let us wait till 4.40 pm when she finally comes in to teach and of course, I know she tried to do her best to cover up all the 4 topic that she just let us come to class previously and go back for nothing (since she didn’t come to class at all and let us go back after sending her assistance to check our attendance), she dragged our LAST class till 6.30pm!! I seriously think that at that time she gonna dragged the class till 8 pm. Please kindly tell me, who can understand psychiatry late in the evening when you’re hungry, tired, fed up and angry? I’m restless, red-flushed with the gnawing hate and anger and I definitely cannot stand her at that time.

I’ve tried my best to distract myself from getting angry at her at that time. I’ve scrabbled so many ‘disturbed’ drawings that no man could possibly understand of, watch and written every single details of the small room we are in; and trust me – I did make a very detail description of the room and the things inside. [3mx6.5m in square, one big white old door which have only holes to lock for on the other end of the room and one big Russian’s window on the other side, a once leaking white sink at the right side of the door with mirror above it and red pale pail as a dustbin below it, a few unwanted stacked up black chairs at the side of the room, a very old and noisy cream color fridge with a white paper written with Russian letters telling us not to pull off the plug, a plastic bottle filled with water ¾ level and a bunch of sticks inside for only God knows why on top of the fridge, and the list go on and on..] You’ve got my meaning right? I try to sit very still as to not making myself ‘burst up in flame’ if I’m getting too restless, and when I finally reaching home, I straight away go to bathroom, unleash all my anger to the poor cloth that I stocked up supposing to wash on the day after and take a cold-soothing bath.. Then, I pray and reading Quran.. and thank God.. I finally get rid of the anger. Quite a handful one yeah?? Hehe. If I do have hypertension, I surely be in ICU already for suddenly having a hypertensive crisis.. hehe ^_^. Thankfully, I’m not so easy to being angry or getting mad.. Except this one. I guess the ‘feeling’ bottled up for a month subconsciously and resurfaced all at once at that time.

Piece of advice for myself and everyone reading this:

1. Control your self especially your anger. Anger is NEVER good for you. Learn to control it and channel it the right way. (I at least finish washing my clothes...)
2. A teacher is always your teacher no matter how good or bad she/he is. You cannot blame her/him for not being the ideal teacher but you should blame yourself for not being an ideal student. As the saying goes, if you want something to be interesting, you have to be interested in it first.
3. Get real. Life is like that. No sweet end for you all the time.
4. Getting angry at your teacher means that you won’t get barakah for the knowledge that you get from the teacher... And that means, it will be a 2 losing time for you... You surely don’t want that, don’t you??
5. Please, for your own sake, let the anger flow. Don’t bottle it up. The space required is VERY BIG… and we (human being) don’t have one. Well, not while we’re still sane though.

Manage your life and your ANGER issue wisely and carefully. Good lucks!!