the day my patient died

2 weeks have finally gone, with all the drama, sadness, struggle and tears. And yesterday, i finally break down and cried. Cried for the loss of a dear soul that has suffered so much in the hands of 'the healer', cried for the incompetent skill and inadequate knowledge of mine that seem irredeemable at this time, and cried for my own soul that seem a bit loss amidst all the business of the world that claimed me all of my energy and time.

Days are long and the nights are even longer. In orthopedic ward i'm currently in, we are thought to stand on our own two feet. Knowledge surpass everything. Either that, or only prayers can save you. Every steps of the way, we are reminded of the heavy burden we carried called responsibility over someone's life. And for everything that you do, you are answerable to it. Critism, harshness and blame is what we get almost all the time.

BUT.. that is not all there is to it. I've been noticing that everytime something worse is about to happen to me, somehow i manage to get through it safely unscathed. My progression is slow, but at least i keep on growing. And the satisfaction over seing the relief faces of a family member over very little things us human could do in the hospital are irreplaceable. Nothing could amount to that. And i thank God for that.

"IT IS HE WHO GIVES LIFE AND CAUSES DEATH. AND WHEN HE DECIDES UPON A THING HE SAYS TO IT ONLY: 'BE'!! AND IT IS." {Surah al-Mu'min: 68}

Journey of life is long, and along the way you might get tired and feel like you want to give up. Don't be. Just don't forget to put all your trust and hopes in knowing that Allah is there for you, He knows what best for you and He will never ever give you a test that you cannot handle. Just tough it up. Keep on looking on the bright side. Your friends and families are there to help bring you up everytime you fell down.

As glamour as it is being a doctor, please remember, we are earning money on other people's suffering.


ps: doakan saya kuat semangat, kekal tsabat, cepat belajar dan faham, dan terurus masa hidup agar dapat quality ubudiah time. Kepada adik-adik dan kawan-kawan yang mesej, jazakillah. Moga Allah jualah yang membalasnya. Setiap hari saya rindukan korang semua.. huhu T_T