HEART OF A WARRIOR

I was a bit late for the epidemiology class that Thursday. It was a sunny but windy day; I could still feel the chilliness of the spring wind that evening. How could I forget that day? A couple of event happen right before my eyes, small event but with big meaning; if only some people ever take some time to realize it.

I was waiting for bus No 05,015, or 15 to come at that time. I wore my long bluish-grey coat that time, hoping that it might help me keep warm even if there’s wind and rain to come my way. Obviously, it did not help me in that way. T_T (I ought to buy a new long spring coat I guess). While waiting for any bus to come, I notice a young woman, might be in her early twenties, stood by at one corner of the building nearby, holding a bunch of some twigs to sell; ‘20rubles per bunch’: she yelled repeatedly. There were some white cotton-like thing on top of the twigs, maybe it is some kind of accessories to put together with flowers in the vase, I do not sure. Her plain clothes (she obviously didn’t look like any average Moscow people who always look elegant, rich, and stylish from top to toe), her sad freckles face, and her way of dressing (she wore a long knitted dark brown skirt, long old black coat and a dark old maroon scarf wrap nicely all around her head- it might be that she was cold from the wind); all like ‘screaming’ loud and clear: what a sad cruel life she had. Maybe I’m over-exaggerating, maybe she is happy with her life, but it is cruel indeed. I guess this is what happens when bourgeois-communism in Russia ended. The people with land getting richer and richer, while the jobless and homeless getting poorer and poorer. Can you imagine, at 20^th century, while a big country such as Russia is trying vigorously to implicate its power on the world level, you can still see a girl like her selling twigs to keep on living? Seeing her, make me recall the story of a girl selling matchstick during winter (Hans Christian Andersen’s I think). Surprisingly, there were some people generous enough to buy the twigs from her.

A few minutes later, I saw a grandmother walking by idly with her daughter and her crying limping grandson in between. They looked very plain indeed, normal family trying to live their way as best as they can. From what I can see, I notice that the 5-6 years old boy might not have a normal development neurologically (special kid with special needs). It seems that, while he was like that, both her mother and grandmother desperately trying to give and teach him to live his live as normal as possible. He have to walk himself (although with so much difficulty and slowly) with those two limping legs. Their courage and their determination make me wonder, where do I stand if there were a rank between all 4 of us? (The girl selling twigs, both the grandmother and her daughter, and me).

And so, I came to a conclusion: the best I can do, make full use of myself, is to fight against myself or nafsu to be exact. A human heart though it fills with love and compassion, it also fills with madness, anger, hatred and greediness. When there will be a time when you feel like you lose your way or you feel empty inside, come back to Him. The Almighty and the Most Merciful.

Your eyes deceive you

The way your brain works sometimes wronged you

Your nafs mislead you

In every possible way it can

Only the heart can seek the truth

Only if it’s pure enough

Where it fills with loves of a servant to its Creator

Loves that is based on Him only

A heart that work its way

Against the human’s norm and untimely prejudice

A heart that is truly

A heart of a warrior.